The Crisis of Self
So you feel like you are ready to “chuck it all” and go home? You are not alone. The reality is that each expat is the main character in their own story– and that living abroad is an incredible adventure. But let’s be real… it’s also a journey of highs and lows and maybe in your own journey abroad, you’ve seen these triumphs and the struggles. Heck! You may even be in crisis mode right now.
In the literary world, this crisis of self is known as the “dark night of the soul”— that pivotal moment where everything feels like it’s falling apart. And as THE hero in your story, it is at this point you have a choice, either:
- Find your footing and strength to push through and win the day; or
- Give up and go home
And if this situation hits close to home— that’s okay! We all encounter moments of doubt and despair on our expat journey. The important thing is to recognize these feelings and take steps to evaluate them and navigate safely through them.
Recognizing the Signs of Crisis
Finding your way out of this “dark night of the soul” and getting back to the success of your story means assessing your situation clearly and taking practical actions to regain your focus. It’s important to recognize the signs that your are struggling or “on the brink”. While ignoring the signs won’t make them go away… acknowledging them can be the first step towards healing.
Common Symptoms of Distress
*Feeling Lost:
A pervasive sense of aimlessness or confusion about your purpose abroad can make daily life feel meaningless or overwhelming.
*Disconnection:
Feeling isolated from others, even in social settings; often described as “going through the motions”.
*Missing Purpose:
A lack of motivation or joy for activities you once enjoyed may have you feeling as though your spark has dimmed or extinguished.
*Emotional Drain:
Constant fatigue and emotional depletion may make you feel like everything takes more effort than it used to.
*Hopelessness:
A sense of despair or the belief that things will never get better. Unfortunately, this can lead to feeling trapped in your current situation.
Practical Tips for Success:
1. Keep a journal to track your feelings and identify patterns in your thinking and emotions.
2. If necessary, reach out to a trusted friend or therapist to discuss these symptoms and gain perspective.
Assessing the Situation
When you feel like throwing in the towel, it’s important to take a step back and review your situation with a clear mind.
Evaluate Your Environment
*Cultural Adjustment:
Are you struggling to adjust to your new home? Cultural differences can greatly affect your sense of comfort and belonging.
*Support System:
Do you have a support network in place? Being far from family and friends can make you feel isolated.
*Work and Living Conditions:
Are your work and living conditions contributing the crisis? Challenges in either of these areas can increase feelings of hopelessness.
Practical Tips for Success:
1. Take stock of your surroundings.
2. Make a list of what’s working and what’s not.
3. Identify specific areas that are causing you distress and consider if they can be changed or improved.
Crisis Intervention: Taking Action
Once you’ve assessed your situation, it’s time to take action to fix the problems you’re facing.
Make Small Changes
Sometimes, small adjustments can have a big impact on your well-being.
*Routine:
Create a routine that includes activities you enjoy and that give you a sense of accomplishment.
*Social Connections:
Make an effort to connect with others by joining or participating in local clubs, social events, or expat groups. Finding a healthy “tribe” or support group is important to long-term health.
*Self-Care:
Prioritize self-care. This includes physical activities, hobbies, and relaxation exercises that help you recharge.
Practical Tips for Success:
1. Create a daily schedule that incorporates these small changes.
2. Set achievable goals and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
Seeking Professional Help
If you are following basic advice and feel the situation is not improving, it is very wise to seek If professional help. I recommend it sooner rather than later, as it can be wonderful relief and support.
Mental Health Professionals
*Therapists and Counselors:
Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide support and coping strategies tailored to your situation. Plus, this type of professional can help guide you as you work through emotions and develop solid coping strategies.
*Support Groups:
Support groups, either in-person or online, can offer a sense of belonging. They also provide a safe place to share with and learn from others going through similar struggles.
Practical Tips for Success:
1. Research local or online resources for mental health support.
2. Don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals who can help guide you through this challenging time.
3. Many expat communities have resources specifically designed for mental health and wellness.
Creating a Crisis Plan to Move Forward
After reviewing your situation and taking initial steps to address your challenges, it’s important to create a long-term plan for moving forward.
Set Goals
Identify short-term and long-term goals that can help regain your sense of purpose. Make sure each goal is simple, specific, achievable, and aligned with your personal values and dreams.
Build Resilience
Work on building emotional strength through caring for your total self: body, mind, spirit. Resilience is about adapting in the face of adversity, trauma, or significant stressors.
Stay Connected
Maintain regular contact with your support network. Consistent communication with loved ones and friends can provide ongoing encouragement and motivation. These connections remind you that you are not alone in your journey.
Practical Tips for Success:
1. Write down your goals and review them regularly.
2. Adjust your plan as needed based on your progress and changing circumstances.
3. Stay committed to building a fulfilling and balanced life abroad.
4. Set aside time each week to review progress and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.
Final Thoughts
It is normal for expats to occasionally feel like giving up. The key is to recognize the signs, assess issues, and take actionable steps to solve them. It’s okay to ask for help… and it’s okay to take small steps.
The reality is, sooner or later, each expat living abroad will encounter their own versions of the literary “dark night of the soul.” But with a solid support system and plan for addressing the struggles, expats can overcome and thrive. In truth, the very best any of us can do is to keep pushing forward and never give up.
Until we next spill tea, keep your coffee strong, but your expat game stronger!
